Psychological Healing
in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition

Healing

You can’t carry your cross if you’re carrying resentment.

español

 
Spiritual Healing | Hurt | Anger and Revenge | Another Option | Transformation Through Prayer | Giving the Pain to God | Four Summary Counsels | Books
 

To understand the process of spiritual healing, let’s look first at what happens when you are hurt in some way.

 
Hurt

Most people react to hurt by trying to do something about it. Physical injury often requires some sort of physical treatment. (Physical injury can also be treated with mental imagery and prayer, but that gets us ahead of ourselves.) A wound, for example, has to be cleaned and bandaged.

Emotional pain, however, presents more of a problem. Many people treat emotional pain by hiding it; that is, they do something self-gratifying—such as drink alcohol, use drugs, have sex, gamble, watch TV or movies, eat sweets or fats, and so on—that numbs the pain but does nothing to heal it.

Many people also use anger and revenge to respond to hurt. 

 
Anger and Revenge

Anger, in its technical sense, is a desire to harm the person or thing that hurt you; revenge is an act of carrying out that harm in some way.^[1]

Revenge can be enacted passively through obstruction and sabotage, or it can be enacted actively through violence. But, just as with hiding the hurt, anger and revenge do not heal the hurt either. That’s because all hurt, at its core, is simply a reminder of your essential human vulnerability and helplessness. Even if you kill the person who hurts you, you still remain vulnerable to another attack from someone else. With all anger and revenge, then, you might temporarily feel powerful, but the feeling is just an illusion. No matter what you do, you remain vulnerable to attack from anyone, anywhere.

 
Another Option

In contrast to all this human illusion—and folly—we have another option. We can give our pain to God. That is, when we are hurt, we don’t have to fight back, trying to hurt others as they have hurt us. Trusting in God’s perfect justice to protect us, we can accept all injury quietly, peacefully, and without grumbling or protest. Despite our injuries, we can give under-standing, patience, compassion, forbearance, mercy, and forgiveness to those who hurt us, all the while praying that they will repent their wickedness. 

In psychology there is an axiom that anxiety and relaxation cannot both exist in a person at the same time; this fact has become the empirical basis for systematic desensitization, a procedure for treating phobias. The spiritual realm has a similar axiom: you cannot hate a person and pray for him at the same time. And so, if you train yourself to pray for the repentance and conversion of anyone who insults or offends you, then it becomes impossible to hate that person—and all of your primitive rage therefore dissolves.

Read the story of Saint Francis of Assisi and the Wolf of Gubbio

 
Transformation Through Prayer

What a light burden Christ gave us! To heal our wounds, all we have to do is kneel before the Crucifix and, looking to divine justice, surrender our desire to avenge our hurts. In imitation of him who accepted injury quietly, peacefully, and, without grumbling or murmuring, we can say, “Lord, I am wounded. I hurt. I am helpless. I am broken. I am vulnerable. Nothing I can do by my own hand can protect me. Help me, for without your mercy and protection, I will perish. Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit. Help me to continue my work in your service despite the fact that I feel [betrayed, abandoned, unloved, insulted, falsely accused, etc.].” And then let God do what He will to transform your suffering into courage and perseverance—and healing graces for those who hurt you.

Many persons, especially those who have been abused emotionally, physically, or sexually as children, tend to recoil from the idea of suffering, primarily because they unconsciously equate suffering with punishment—the same unjust and irrational punishment they received at the hands of their abusers. And it was this unjust and irrational punishment that caused their pain to sink down into the terrifying depths of rage and anger, to be hidden in the dark corners of the unconscious, shrouded in victimization. If only you would understand that Christ accepted all suffering willingly, not as a victim, and that, in carrying the cross, He bore for our sake the pain of all unjust and irrational punishment. He gave meaning to suffering. That is, He bore it all openly and without anger for our redemption from sin, and, in doing so, He showed us that true love means the willingness to bear the emotional pain of others, suffering for them in the hope of their salvation.  If only you would pray for others and take up your suffering as Christ did—not as punishment, but as a gift of forgiveness to others—then you would no longer need to hide your pain and you would no longer be terrified of your own capacity for anger; then you could listen honestly to your family and friends, to bear their anger without flinching from it, and to help them heal their pain and take up their own crosses.

Read an excerpt from a homily about saving others by Saint John Chrysostom

 
Giving the Pain to God

And all it takes to do this—to give the pain to God—is to say to yourself, “Give the pain to God” as a reminder to yourself whenever you feel hurt. Mind you, this does not mean disavowing human emotions; it’s a genuine embracing of human emotional life in its full reality.

	It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well.
	—as told to Saint Faustina, Diary, 1628

So then, having said the words, go ahead and give the pain to God. Admit your weakness, your wretchedness, your brokenness—and beg God for His strength to carry you through despite your feelings.

	I willingly boast of my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I am content with weakness, with mistreatment, with distress, with persecutions and difficulties for the sake of Christ; for when I am powerless, it is then that I am strong.
	—2 Corinthians 12:9b-10

Healing, you see, is simply our return to God in humility and obedience. There is no healing for our brokenness except the broken bread of the Eucharist. There is no healing except through Him who accepted all pain, quietly, peacefully, without grumbling or murmuring—for our sake. There is no healing except in forgiveness.

	But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions.
	— Matthew 6:15
	For the judgment is merciless to one who has not shown mercy.
	— James 2:13

To give the pain to God, then, is to stop trying to take matters into your own hands—by hiding your pain, by protest, or by plotting revenge—and instead to pray for those who hurt you and to approach God in humility so as to accept the true and perfect healing He offers us.

	Are you making no progress in prayer? Then you need only offer God the prayers which the Savior has poured out for us in the sacrament of the altar. Offer God his fervent love in reparation for your sluggishness. In the course of every activity pray as follows: “My God, [I do this] or [I endure that] in the heart of your Son and according to his holy counsels. I offer it to you in reparation for anything blameworthy or imperfect in my actions.” Continue to do this in every circumstance of life. And every time that some punishment, affliction, or injustice comes your way, say to yourself: “Accept this as sent to you by the Sacred Heart of Jesus in order to unite yourself to him.”
	— From a letter by Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque, virgin Office of Readings, October 16: Margaret Mary Alacoque, Virgin

 
Four Summary Counsels

Most persons experience feelings of frustration when someone or something obstructs them in some way. And most persons respond to the feeling of frustration by wanting to force the “other” to provide satisfaction. The Christian response to frustration, however, requires a different psychological attitude than satisfaction. Here are four simple steps to manifest the Christian response to frustration:

1.	Acknowledge the pain.  Feel the hurt, rather than push it out of awareness. If someone insults you, acknowledge that you feel belittled; if someone cheats you, acknowledge that you feel manipulated and vulnerable; if someone obstructs you, acknowledge that you feel helpless. And so on.
2.	Be transparent.  As you acknowledge and feel the pain, let it pass through you into Christ’s hands, like sunlight through a clear window. Remember that whatever anyone does to you is done to Christ Himself.[2] When you are mocked, Christ is mocked; when you are cheated, Christ is cheated; when you are obstructed, Christ is obstructed. Every sin inflicted on anyone is inflicted on Christ, and Christ alone has the power to administer true justice for all injury. So put your wounds in His hands and trust in His justice.
3.	Relax.  When you feel injured, it will be humanly natural to want to take matters into your own hands to get revenge. But resist that temptation. When someone hurts you, resist the temptation to respond with sarcasm or arguments or hostility or cursing. Look to divine justice, not to bitter revenge. And when things, rather than other persons, obstruct you—such as traffic lights that turn red when you’re in a hurry, or things that break when you’re under pressure to get a job done—accept it quietly and obediently as God’s wise intervention for your guidance. Don’t complain to God and ask, “Why me?” Just say, “All right. If this is what You want, then I will accept it. I trust in You in all things. But please, give me the strength and courage to get through this.” What if it is the devil tripping you up, rather than God intervening for your instruction? How do you tell the difference? Well, you don’t have to know the difference. Just accept everything gracefully as a glorious act of obedience to God. If the devil trips you up and discovers that his efforts result in glorifying God, he will get tired of you very quickly and leave you alone.
4.	Pray.  After feeling the pain, letting it pass through you, and trusting obediently in God, then pray. Pray for the repentance of those who hurt you. Pray for those around you. For example, if you’re stuck in a long line at the post office because of a rude clerk, pray for the clerk and pray for the persons in line with you who have to suffer also. Good short prayers to be repeated over and over would be • Father, forgive them, they do not know what they do. (Luke 23:34) • Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us. (The Jesus Prayer) • Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world. (Adapted from the Trisagion prayer) • O Blood and Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a font of Mercy for us, I trust in You. (Saint Faustina’s Diary, 187) A good longer prayer would be the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy. How to pray the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy

 
Books

Anger and Forgiveness Most of us carry more anger in our hearts than we are capable of admitting even to ourselves, and as a result we often feel stuck in a lack of spiritual progress. This small book, written in a clear, non-theological language, explains the deep psychology of anger and forgiveness and shows how to turn the emotional wounds of daily life into spiritual growth. Ordering Information

Healing: Emotional Hurt and Giving the Pain to God This book combines many resources for spiritual healing from this website with information about victimization, spiritual purgation, and the psychology of the unconscious from A Guide to Psychology and its Practice. Ordering Information

 
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1. In all things, God desires us to treat each other with the same love He has for us. Therefore, wanting someone to be emotionally or physically hurt removes you from God’s service and places you in the service of the devil. Consequently, just the thought of hurting someone is a sin—but being a venial sin (so long as it is an inner desire, rather than an outward act) it can be absolved with perfect contrition. An actual act of revenge toward another person that results in real harm is a mortal sin, and must be absolved formally through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Unrepentant sin will condemn a soul at the Last Judgment. Note that this condemnation is a truthful assessment of the soul’s unholy behavior, not a desire on God’s part for revenge.

2. “Then He will say to those on His left, ‘Depart from Me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me no food, I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink, a stranger and you gave Me no welcome, naked and you gave Me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for Me.’ Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to Your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for Me’” (Matthew 25:41-45). Remember, too, that, at the height of Saul’s persecution of Christians, Christ asked him, “Why are you persecuting Me?” (Acts 9:4).