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You
cant carry your cross
if youre carrying resentment. |
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Spiritual
Healing | Hurt |
Anger and Revenge |
Another Option |
Transformation Through Prayer |
Giving the Pain to God |
Four Summary Counsels |
Books
To
understand the process of spiritual healing, lets look first at what
happens when you are hurt in some way.
Hurt
Most people react to hurt by
trying to do something about it. Physical injury often requires some sort
of physical treatment. (Physical injury can also be treated with mental imagery
and prayer, but that gets us ahead of ourselves.) A wound, for example, has
to be cleaned and bandaged.
Emotional pain, however, presents
more of a problem. Many people treat emotional pain by hiding it; that is,
they do something self-gratifyingsuch as drink alcohol, use drugs,
have sex, gamble, watch TV or movies, eat sweets or fats, and so onthat
numbs the pain but does nothing to heal it.
Many people also use anger and
revenge to respond to hurt.
Anger and
Revenge
Anger, in its technical sense,
is a desire to harm the person or thing that hurt you; revenge is
an act of carrying out that harm in some
way.[1]
Revenge can be enacted passively
through obstruction and sabotage, or it can be enacted actively through violence.
But, just as with hiding the hurt, anger and revenge do not heal the hurt
either. Thats because all hurt, at its core, is simply a reminder of
your essential human vulnerability and helplessness. Even if you kill the
person who hurts you, you still remain vulnerable to another attack from
someone else. With all anger and revenge, then, you might temporarily feel
powerful, but the feeling is just an illusion.
No matter what you do, you remain vulnerable to attack from anyone,
anywhere.
Another
Option
In contrast to all this
human illusionand follywe have another option. We can give our
pain to God. That is, when we are hurt, we dont have to fight back,
trying to hurt others as they have hurt us. Trusting in Gods perfect
justice to protect us, we can accept all injury quietly, peacefully, and
without grumbling or protest. Despite our injuries,
we can give under-standing, patience, compassion, forbearance, mercy, and
forgiveness to those who hurt us, all the while praying that they will repent
their wickedness.
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In psychology
there is an axiom that anxiety and relaxation cannot both exist in a person
at the same time; this fact has become the empirical basis for
systematic desensitization, a procedure for treating
phobias. The spiritual realm has a similar axiom: you cannot
hate a person and pray for him at the same time.
And so, if you train yourself to pray for the
repentance and conversion of anyone who
insults or offends you, then it becomes impossible to hate that personand
all of your primitive rage therefore dissolves. |
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Transformation
Through Prayer
What a light burden Christ gave
us! To heal our wounds, all we have to do is kneel
before the Crucifix and, looking to divine justice, surrender our desire
to avenge our hurts. In imitation of him who accepted injury quietly, peacefully,
and, without grumbling or murmuring, we can say, Lord, I am wounded.
I hurt. I am helpless. I am broken. I am vulnerable. Nothing I can do by
my own hand can protect me. Help me, for without your
mercy and protection, I will perish. Into your
hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit. Help me to continue my work in your service
despite the fact that I feel [betrayed, abandoned, unloved, insulted,
falsely accused, etc.]. And then let God do what He will to transform
your suffering into courage and perseveranceand healing graces for
those who hurt you.
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Many persons,
especially those who have been abused emotionally, physically, or sexually
as children, tend to recoil from the idea of
suffering, primarily because they
unconsciously equate suffering with punishmentthe
same unjust and irrational punishment they received at the hands of their
abusers. And it was this unjust and irrational punishment that caused their
pain to sink down into the terrifying depths of rage
and anger, to be hidden in the dark corners of the
unconscious, shrouded in victimization.
If only you would understand
that Christ accepted all suffering willingly, not as a victim, and that,
in carrying the cross, He bore for our sake the pain of all unjust and irrational
punishment. He gave meaning to suffering. That is, He bore it all
openly and without anger for our redemption from
sin, and, in doing so, He showed us that
true love means the willingness to bear the emotional
pain of others, suffering for them in the hope of their
salvation.
If only you would
pray for others and take up your suffering as Christ didnot as punishment,
but as a gift of forgiveness to othersthen you would no longer need
to hide your pain and you would no longer be terrified
of your own capacity for anger; then you could listen honestly to your family
and friends, to bear their anger without flinching from it, and to help them
heal their pain and take up their own crosses. |
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Giving the Pain
to God
And all it takes to do thisto
give the pain to Godis to say to yourself, Give the pain to
God as a reminder to yourself whenever you feel hurt. Mind you, this
does not mean disavowing human emotions; its
a genuine embracing of human emotional life in its full
reality.
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It is not always
within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have
love if, after having experienced annoyance and
contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made
you suffer and wish them well. |
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as told to Saint Faustina,
Diary, 1628 |
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So then, having said the words,
go ahead and give the pain to God. Admit your weakness, your
wretchedness, your
brokennessand beg God for His strength
to carry you through despite your feelings.
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I willingly boast
of my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I am
content with weakness, with mistreatment, with distress, with persecutions
and difficulties for the sake of Christ; for when I am powerless, it is then
that I am strong. |
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2 Corinthians 12:9b-10 |
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Healing, you see, is simply our
return to God in humility and
obedience. There is no healing for our brokenness
except the broken bread of the Eucharist. There is no healing except through
Him who accepted all pain, quietly, peacefully, without grumbling or
murmuringfor our sake. There is no healing except in
forgiveness.
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But if you do
not
forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your
transgressions. |
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Matthew 6:15 |
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For the judgment
is merciless to one who has not shown
mercy. |
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James 2:13 |
To give the pain to God, then,
is to stop trying to take matters into your own handsby hiding your
pain, by protest, or by plotting revengeand
instead to pray for those who hurt you and to approach God in humility so
as to accept the true and perfect healing He offers us.
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Are
you making no progress in prayer? Then you need only offer God the prayers
which the Savior has poured out for us in the sacrament of the altar. Offer
God his fervent love in reparation for your
sluggishness. In the course of every activity pray as follows: My God,
[I do this] or [I endure that] in the heart of your Son and
according to his holy counsels. I offer it to you in reparation for anything
blameworthy or imperfect in my actions. Continue to do this in every
circumstance of life. And every time that some punishment, affliction, or
injustice comes your way, say to yourself: Accept this as sent to you
by the Sacred Heart of Jesus in order to unite yourself to
him. |
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From a letter by Saint
Margaret Mary Alacoque, virgin
Office of Readings, October 16:
Margaret Mary Alacoque, Virgin |
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Four Summary
Counsels
Most persons experience feelings
of frustration when someone or something obstructs them in some way. And
most persons respond to the feeling of frustration by wanting to force the
other to provide satisfaction. The Christian response to frustration,
however, requires a different psychological attitude than
satisfaction. Here are four simple steps to manifest the Christian
response to frustration:
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Acknowledge
the pain. Feel the hurt, rather than push it out of awareness.
If someone insults you, acknowledge that you feel belittled; if someone cheats
you, acknowledge that you feel manipulated and vulnerable; if someone obstructs
you, acknowledge that you feel helpless. And so
on. |
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Be
transparent. As you acknowledge and feel the pain, let it
pass through you into Christs hands, like sunlight through a clear
window. Remember that whatever anyone does to you is done to Christ
Himself.[2]
When you are mocked, Christ is mocked; when you are cheated, Christ is cheated;
when you are obstructed, Christ is obstructed. Every sin inflicted on anyone
is inflicted on Christ, and Christ alone has the power to administer true
justice for all injury. So put your wounds in His hands and trust in His
justice. |
3. |
Relax.
When you feel injured, it will be humanly natural to want to take matters
into your own hands to get revenge. But resist that temptation. When someone
hurts you, resist the temptation to respond with sarcasm or arguments or
hostility or cursing. Look to divine justice, not to bitter revenge. And
when things, rather than other persons, obstruct yousuch as
traffic lights that turn red when youre in a hurry, or things that
break when youre under pressure to get a job doneaccept it quietly
and obediently as Gods wise intervention for
your guidance. Dont complain to God and ask, Why me? Just
say, All right. If this is what You want, then I will accept it. I
trust in You in all things. But please, give me the strength and courage
to get through this.
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What if it is
the devil tripping you up, rather than God intervening for your instruction?
How do you tell the difference? Well, you dont have to know the difference.
Just accept everything gracefully as a glorious act of obedience to God.
If the devil trips you up and discovers that his efforts result in glorifying
God, he will get tired of you very quickly and leave you alone. |
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4. |
Pray.
After feeling the pain, letting it pass through you, and trusting
obediently in God, then pray. Pray for the repentance of those who hurt you.
Pray for those around you. For example, if youre stuck in a long line
at the post office because of a rude clerk, pray for the clerk and pray for
the persons in line with you who have to suffer also. Good short prayers
to be repeated over and over would be
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Father, forgive
them, they do not know what they do.

(Luke 23:34) |
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Lord Jesus
Christ, Son of God, have mercy on us.

(The Jesus Prayer) |
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Holy God, Holy
Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole
world.

(Adapted from the Trisagion prayer) |
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O Blood and
Water which gushed forth from the Heart of Jesus as a font of Mercy for us,
I trust in You.

(Saint Faustinas Diary, 187) |
A good longer prayer would be
the Chaplet of The Divine Mercy.
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Books
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1.
In all things, God desires us to treat each other with the same love He has
for us. Therefore, wanting someone to be emotionally or physically hurt removes
you from Gods service and places you in the service of the devil.
Consequently, just the thought of hurting someone is a sinbut being
a venial sin (so long as it is an inner
desire, rather than an outward act) it can be absolved with
perfect contrition. An actual act of
revenge toward another person that results in real harm is a
mortal sin, and must be absolved formally
through the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Unrepentant
sin will condemn a soul at the Last Judgment. Note that this condemnation
is a truthful assessment of the souls unholy behavior, not a desire
on Gods part for revenge.
2.
Then He will say to those on His left, Depart from Me, you accursed,
into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry
and you gave Me no food, I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink, a stranger
and you gave Me no welcome, naked and you gave Me no clothing, ill and in
prison, and you did not care for Me. Then they will answer and say,
Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked
or ill or in prison, and not minister to Your needs? He will answer
them, Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least
ones, you did not do for Me (Matthew 25:41-45). Remember, too,
that, at the height of Sauls persecution of Christians, Christ asked
him, Why are you persecuting Me? (Acts 9:4).
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