Psychological Healing
in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition

The Psychology of Motivation

 
Acknowledgment and Regret | Forced to Act | Psychological Motivation | Pushed by the Drive | Pulled by Desire | Understanding Hidden Needs | Triggers for Impulses | Desire for the Holy | A Psychological-Spiritual Hitch: The Hidden Desire for Self-destruction

 
O LIVE a holy life, we must acknowledge that certain behaviors are wrong and we must regret doing those things.

Now, for many persons, this combination of acknowledgment and regret is sufficient to change their behavior. Once they know what is right, they do it, and once they know what is wrong, they repent it, confess it, and stop doing it. It’s that simple, because the change is motivated by their love of God.

Some individuals, however, persist in doing things even though they know they are wrong, and, surprisingly as it might sound, even though they don’t want to do them. In these cases, something more than acknowledgment and regret is required. Understanding is required.

 
Forced to Act

To begin to explain what this understanding might entail, let’s consider the curious statement that you can persist in doing something even though you don’t want to do it. In some way, that sounds ridiculous, right? If you don’t want to do something, then why would you do it?

Well, consider what would happen if you encountered a robber. The thief puts a gun to your head and says, “Give me your money or I will kill you.” Even though you don’t want to give him your money, you do it anyway, for fear of the consequences of refusing. Therefore, we can say that someone might do something he doesn’t want to do simply because he is forced to do it.

 
Psychological Motivation

Now, “being forced to do something” doesn’t have to be taken in just the literal sense of coercion under threat of punishment. It can also be understood in a psychological sense—and this leads us to the psychological concept of motivation. To comprehend this concept, let’s use a practical example.

Imagine that you are a child with a small wagon. To move—that is, to motivate—the wagon, you have two choices: you can get behind it and push it or you can stand in front of it and pull it. In this example, pushing and pulling are literal, physical actions. To get to the psychological aspects of the example, we can describe pushing as the psychological concept of drive and pulling as the psychological concept of desire.

 
Pushed by the Drive

In psychology, then, a drive refers to that which pushes us into satisfying our needs. We have drives for acquiring food, for finding shelter, for reproduction, and even for staying alive. That’s why, when a thief puts a gun to your head you will most likely give him your money: you have a drive that pushes you to stay alive.

Have you ever had a dream in which you are a passenger in a car while someone else is driving? That’s an unconscious way for you to realize that, in terms of your current behavior, you are being pushed—that is, driven—by some hidden emotional issue. The dream may not tell you exactly what the issue is, but it does give you the clue that, just as you can be driven like a passenger in a car, so your life is being driven by some need outside your conscious awareness. Finding out what that “need” might be is the conscious task of interpreting that dream.

 
Pulled by Desire

Think of a drive as something very primitive and fundamental in the human psyche. Infants, for example, are governed by drives. But as we grow up and develop the ability to think and act independently, we begin to attach symbolic meaning to our drives, and, as a result, we begin to experience desire. That is, we begin to want—that is, to desire—what we need.

Desire can have several forms.

•	The highest level of desire is the desire for God. This is a desire that, when properly nurtured, can overrule any other desire. Evidence of this can be found in the Bible in regard to the life of Saint Paul, who went from being a murderer of Christians to a missionary for Christ. In essence, Saint Paul’s desire to serve Christ overruled his desire to puff up his pride with cruel power over others. Similarly, Saint Ignatius of Loyola and Saint Francis of Assisi both allowed their desire to serve Christ to overrule their desire for military glory. Now, individuals such as Saint Paul, Saint Ignatius, and Saint Francis could make such radical changes in their desire precisely because they had the experience of pursuing other lower forms of desire. This illustrates the psychological point that once you have attained something, you have the ability to let it go. Many individuals, however, will experience severe impediments in trying to do the same things that many saints have done. Why? Well, let’s see. To begin, instead of talking about the highest level of desire, let’s look at some of the lower levels of desire.
•	The lowest level of desire is the desire to fulfill natural needs. Infants, for example, need to be fed, but, as they grow, they begin to want to be fed. They need attention, and, as they grow, they want to be given attention. They need to sleep, and, as they grow, they want to sleep.
•	A higher level of desire is the desire to fulfill acquired needs. We can see this sort of desire in regard to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, and sexual pleasure. These sorts of desires do not exist for an infant, but they can be acquired as psychological defenses that attempt to provide a physical satisfaction to compensate for unfulfilled natural needs from infancy.    Note here that having natural or acquired desires does not provide any help to someone seeking to develop a desire for God. Natural desires come, well, naturally, and acquired desires are, well, acquired passively and not attained through dedicated effort. In neither of these desires is anything attained; thus neither of these sorts of desires fits into the paradigm of “being able to let go of something once you have attained it.”
•	Consider, then, a third level of desire—the desire for accomplishment. This desire is illustrated by wanting to get an education, wanting to plant a garden, wanting to redecorate a room, wanting to learn a language, wanting to play a musical instrument, and so on. This sort of desire requires an active dedication to work and practice. Saint Ignatius and Saint Francis, for example, became soldiers because of this sort of desire.    Children from dysfunctional families, however, often stifle this sort of desire. Exposed to the chaos of their family environments, these children quickly discover that bad things—such as criticism, punishment, or humiliation—will happen to them if they allow themselves any desires of accomplishment, and so they learn to exist at the lowest level of desire only. Such children might even get educations, plant gardens, redecorate rooms, learn languages, and play musical instruments, but they do these things more to satisfy the desire of their parents than for the sake of their own desire. Children from dysfunctional families will discover, therefore, that the lack of an experience of pursuing the desire for accomplishment will make it extremely difficult to develop the desire for God.

 
Understanding Hidden Needs
and Misdirected Desires

I said before that understanding is required. Understanding of what? Well, now that we have defined the terms, we can say that you might endeavor to understand the lower levels of desire that motivate you to do sinful things.

Most likely, as a child, you did not receive healthy nurturance and guidance from your parents, and so, as an adult, you could now be starved, so to speak, for emotional experiences such as attention, respect, admiration, soothing and so on. Your current sinful behavior carries with it a yearning to fulfill these hidden needs, but your current sinful behavior is not an authentic fulfillment of what is really missing.

In more psychological language, we can say that you have sinful impulses. In theological language, these impulses are called temptations. Either way, these things are desires created unconsciously in the hope of fulfilling natural or acquired needs.

Note that in her writings, Saint Teresa of Avila also spoke about impulses. She used the word impulse, however, in a very specific theological sense. For her, an impulse was not a psychological urge to do something; rather, it was a sudden, overwhelming, divinely inspired feeling of love.

Sinful impulses, then, are misdirected desires; that is, instead of desiring the true fulfillment of all needs in divine love, we deceive ourselves into desiring the partial fulfillment of needs through sinful behavior.

 
Triggers for Impulses

To understand your impulses, then, it will be important to examine very carefully the psychological experiences that occur before—i.e., that “trigger”—them. Rather than merely act on an impulse, teach yourself to recognize the subtle mental images, thoughts, and feelings that occur to you just before an impulse begins its work of temptation.

•	Learn to recognize those images as soon as they occur. Notice how they manifest in your particular circumstances. Are they a matter of your being overwhelmed with obligations, without proper guidance and assistance, so that you feel weary and lonely? Are they a matter of your being obstructed and hindered by others, so that you feel insulted and neglected? Are they a matter of your own inner confusion and lack of confidence (which often result from some lack in your father), so that you feel frustrated and stuck? Or are they a matter of something else?
•	Put the feelings into language; that is, consciously explain to yourself how these feelings connect to similar feelings from your childhood. Remember the actual childhood events that precipitated the feelings and describe them in detail.
•	Whatever the circumstances that trigger your feelings, remind yourself not to take it personally. For example, even if a store clerk is rude to you, and even though you may feel that the rudeness is directed at you personally, struggle to remember that all rudeness is a sin inflicted on Christ, not on you directly. Yes, the insult passes through you, and it cuts deeply as it passes, but the fuming rage you feel (and the violent tantrum you are in danger of throwing) is really a reaction to the times when your parents wounded you with their failures to perceive your childhood needs. And even then, your parents didn’t neglect you because you “deserved” it; they neglected you because their parents neglected them. Thus, a lack of healing was passed down from parent to child, generation after generation. But it can stop with you, if you desire to be the one to stop it.
•	After you have identified the real pain tormenting you, do not try to push it away—i.e., to “get rid of it.” Moreover, do not merely tolerate it stoically. Rather, endeavor to endure it as Christ Himself endured His pain: willingly, not as a victim. With a full understanding of how much you don’t want to do something, do it anyway, for the desire of love. For the desire of love, we make sacrifices for the sake of our neighbors’ salvation. So, rather than drive that rude clerk into hell with your curses, endure the pain as Christ endured His Passion, with the hope of the salvation of even those who mistreat you. For the desire of love we work out our own salvation. For the desire of love, all needs are fulfilled. For the desire of love, suffering is given meaning.

This is hard work, and you may need a psychologist to help you. But the point is that all the mental images, thoughts, and feelings that occur to you just before an impulse carry profound clues as to what your needs really are.

Note that certain forms of meditation, such as in Buddhism, tell you to let your mental images, thoughts, and feelings pass before you without your taking any interest in them. But Christian meditation is different. In Christ you are called to notice and embrace those mental experiences so that you can understand and redeem them.

 
Desire for the Holy

To do this work of mental examination, it will be necessary to nurture a state of mind that is receptive to understanding. That is, do anything it takes to increase your desire for the holy. But—and see if you can follow this logic now—you can’t push yourself into increasing your desire for the holy. Do you see? Only desire itself can increase your desire.

So what do you do?

Well, you do what it takes to remove whatever in your life obstructs your desire for the holy. Because ordinary distractions of the world such as TV, video games, sports, newspapers, magazines, and so on not only block any experience of the holy but also infect you with desires for self-indulgence, immodesty, lust, sensuality, irresponsibility, rudeness, competition, hate, and revenge—pernicious desires that drive holiness away from you—endeavor to begin a lifestyle of detachment from the sinful world around you.

Conceptualize this not as an attempt to show others that you are better than the world around you but as an understanding that God offers you something better than what the world offers you.

So even if your sinful impulses are about sex, alcohol, or anger, for example, and you keep falling back into them, pare away everything else in your life that does not nurture a holy lifestyle. Aside from your need to work for a living, focus your attention on prayer, confession, Mass attendance (daily if possible), holy reading, and mental examination, and follow the spiritual counsels on this website.

Let the prayer underlying all of this be for enlightenment, wisdom, understanding, and courage, rather than preoccupy yourself with asking God to change somebody else, fix something, give you something, or make something happen.

Do this and the Holy Spirit will guide you into a place where all human needs are filled to abundance, desire for the holy is overflowing, and sinful impulses are seen for the illusions they really are.

 
A Psychological-Spiritual Hitch:
The Hidden Desire for Self-destruction

Even though you might say that you want to love God more than anything else, there can be a powerful impediment—a hidden desire—working against you. Whether you come from a dysfunctional family and, as a child suffered the emotional chaos of outright criticism, punishment, and humiliation, or whether you suffered more ordinary childhood experiences of “not-knowing,” a lack of guidance, and feelings of aloneness, you could have developed a hidden desire to punish, sabotage, and destroy yourself.

Similar to parasites that can ultimately kill the host, this self-destructive desire can lurk in the unconscious as a constant background suicidal wish. Infected with this secret desire, an individual, even though wanting to live a holy life, will constantly encounter an obstruction that overrules the desire for God.

Moreover, it’s at this point that victim anger emerges, for the desire for self-destruction is really a veiled attempt to get revenge on the victimizer(s). With every self-destructive act, with every failure, you say to the Other, “Look at what you made me do to myself!” Thus you can fall into the trap of sending yourself to hell in order to prove to others how much they have hurt you.

Some Examples   Some individual’s lives are plagued by stuckness, self-sabotage, and a lack of success. Now, where does this desire for self-destruction “come from”? Well, consider a woman, newly married to a man who turns out to be irresponsible; she is now despairingly pregnant with a child she doesn’t want. Right in the womb that developing fetus will be “infected” psychologically with the belief that “It would be better if you were dead.” Or maybe a woman is too emotionally immature to attend to an infant’s needs. As that infant struggles with the dark terror of its neglect, it will be “infected” psychologically with the belief that “It would be better if you were dead.” Or maybe the child is a living “accident,” the unanticipated result of raw sexual pleasure stripped of any responsibility to reproduction. As that child struggles with lonely isolation, it will be “infected” psychologically with the belief that “It would be better if you were dead.” However it may originate—in the womb, as an infant, throughout childhood—the child’s unconscious desire will be to destroy itself in fulfillment of the rejection it feels from its parents. And that desire will persist even into adult despair, where it will wreak its own secret havoc, unless it is recognized and healed.

 
In cases like this, two things will be necessary for spiritual growth.

1.

Once you understand that you have desires and how they function, work on nurturing desires for accomplishment. Find good and productive—not sinful—things that you want to do and, with prayer, set about accomplishing them. Discover how it feels to do something because you really want to do it, rather than doing something because you have to do it or because someone else is pushing you to do it. You will find that these desires for accomplishment will be able to overrule lower desires.

2.

Rather than keep the desire for self-destruction something secret and feared, explore it therapeutically. You may need professional help to do this, but learn to think about it (in prayer) and talk about it openly (with a psychologist or spiritual director), not with the intent to dwell upon it for morbid satisfaction but to discover its unconscious meanings.    What does it mean to explore a desire? Well, consider how you explore a park. Walking through it casually and thinking, “That’s nice” is not exploring. To explore the park you will note carefully how things are related: where the various trails lead, what vegetations grows where, and what wildlife lives where. In essence, you will make a map of the park in your imagination, so that you can navigate the terrain of the park. In a similar way, when dealing with psychological matters, you map out the terrain of your memories and desires by noting the various associations that arise unconsciously when you speak about a particular problem.