|
|
|
About
a year ago I went to confession and confessed masturbation and looking at
pornography and the number of times, also going to communion before confessing
these sins. My priest told me that it was not a mortal sin in my case because
it was leading me towards love and I should continue to take communion. What
do you say about this? That response confused me. Anyway, I have still been
troubled with these vices and I am unable to resist the temptations, I still
look at porn and masturbate. What am I missing or what is my motivation behind
this desire and why won’t I stop?
 ou’ve heard it said, “With
friends like him (or her) I don’t need enemies.” Well, with priests
like the one you encountered, you don’t need demons to seek the ruin
of your soul. Christ told Peter to “feed my sheep” (John 21:15-19),
and priests like this have been feeding His sheep all right—they’ve
been feeding His sheep to the wolves!
The Theological
Issues
That priest is wrong
theologically (a) because Christ Himself told us that lust—even
lust in the heart—is a mortal
sin [1]
(Matthew 5:28), (b) because the Tradition of
the Catholic Church has preserved Christ’s teaching through the ages,
and (c) because the Catechism of the Catholic
Church (§ 2351-2354) continues to endorse that teaching.
The Psychological
Issues
Moreover, that priest is wrong
psychologically because he doesn’t understand what
love really is.
Autistic self-stimulation (i.e.,
masturbation) is not a matter of love,
it’s a defilement of love. True love seeks nothing for itself; rather,
true love is an act of self-sacrifice for the
sake of the salvation of other souls. Masturbation
seeks everything for itself; it’s a subtle form of revenge for not having
received your parents’ love—especially your father’s
love.
|
As a child, you
felt lonely and neglected, and you had to take matters into your own hands
to teach and protect yourself. You essentially had to raise yourself as a
child without your parents’ guidance. So now, as an adult, when you
feel lonely and neglected, what do you do? You take matters into your own
hands and raise yourself—literally. |
Pornography
derives from the urge to defile an “other.” On the surface, it
may seem that pornography is simply about erotic pleasure. But when the human
body is made into a biological toy, it is stripped of all human dignity,
and this defilement is an act of aggression. The hostility may be unconscious
or it may be openly violent, but, either way, it has its basis in resentment.
And to whom is the resentment directed? Well, as in all things psychological,
the resentment goes back to the parents. Deep down, under all the apparent
excitement, and despite the attraction to what is seen, lurks the
dark urge to hurt and insult—to “get
back at”—what is behind the scenes: a mother who devoured,
rejected, or abandoned, rather than nurtured, or a father who failed to teach,
guide, and protect.
The Actual
Failure
Finally, that priest is wrong
in actuality because his advice has not only done nothing to help
you, it has also confused you.
So why do you
masturbate?
The Urge to
Masturbate
The urge to masturbate
begins because you have been feeling helpless or deprived in some
way. It grows in you because of (a) unconscious
anger at your parents for not nurturing you with
true love and (b) unconscious anger at
yourself for feeling so incompetent because of a lack of true love. Now,
these feelings of helplessness and deprivation will vary in detail from person
to person and from situation to situation, but the point is that instead
of turning to God in the midst of your emotional pain, you give in to the
urge to take matters into your own hands to relieve yourself of your own
despair. Literally.
Where’s the love in this?
This sort of behavior doesn’t lead you to love, it drags you down right
into the sado-masochistic hedonism of
hell.
The Healing
Process
To be
healed of this slavery, first learn to
recognize those feelings of helplessness and deprivation as soon as they
occur. Notice how they manifest in your particular circumstances. Are they
a matter of your being overwhelmed with obligations, without proper guidance
and assistance, so that you feel weary and lonely? Are they a matter of your
being obstructed and hindered by others, so that you feel insulted and neglected?
Are they a matter of your own inner confusion and lack of confidence, so
that you feel frustrated and stuck? Or are they a matter of something
else?
Then put the feelings into
language; that is, consciously explain to yourself how these feelings
connect to similar feelings from your childhood. Remember the actual childhood
events that precipitated the feelings and describe them in detail.
Then gather up all this scrutiny
and bring it in prayer before Christ. Ask for the strength and courage
to persevere through these painful feelings into confident trust in divine
protection. Seek out the humility of confidence,
not the satisfaction of competing with others to
make yourself feel stronger. Admit your
wretchedness and beg for the grace to
love, and to pray for,
everyone—even your enemies—despite the mistreatment you received
from your parents as a child and continue to receive, even now, from others.
And beg that the desire for holy love will grow
in you and overshadow every other desire.
Do this and you will not only
understand love, you will be living it.
|
Lust. Competition.
Vengeance. Three sins, any one of which will stop a man dead in his tracks
on the way of perfection. |
|
___________
1. Transient erotic images that arise spontaneously
in your mind, however, are not necessarily mortal sins unless you dwell upon
them for pleasure. All fleeting fantasies are intellectual products,
not acts of will; that is, they are products of unconscious defensive
psychology. Though careful scrutiny (as I describe in the rest of my answer)
you can use the occurrence of such fantasies to help you understand your
current emotional difficulties.
  
DID MY WORK help you? Have you found
insight into your behavior? Have you found information unlike anywhere else?
Then why not make a Quick & Easy donation to this freewill website
to express your gratitude for my labor in creating something substantial,
something that can change your life for the better?
|
|
|
Huh? Donations? Freewill
website?