On the
subject of purpose of marriage (procreation), how does it affect a married
couple whose children have grown and the wife is no longer of child-bearing
age? Is sex between the couple a sin? I am a Catholic and my husband is a
non-practicising muslim. This would make it a bit tricky explaining to him
why sex is not allowed anymore, as he is not bound by the Catholic faith.
But even if both of us were Catholic or Christian, do we need to refrain
from sex under pain of sin? I brought up this question because I could not
find a similar situation mentioned there. There were questions re couple
thinking of marrying at an elderly age, but none covering couples who were
already married.
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 any individuals fail to understand
the essence of the Christian faith because they get distracted by thinking
about life issues in overly practical terms. Hence they concern themselves
more with outward behaviors in themselves than with the psychological and
spiritual significance of those behaviors. The answer to your question,
therefore, does not require some statement about intercourse per se;
instead, it requires us to examine a deeper issue, the issue of
lust.
Lust
We know that lust is a sin because
it is one of the seven deadly sins. Lust is
a sin precisely because it makes a person into an
object; that is, it sees another person in terms
of whatever pleasure that person can bring to you. Whereas
love wishes good to
someone,[1]
lust seeks your good at the use of someone. You can use a person
in actuality or in your imagination, but, either way, lust, being the opposite
of love, is an act of
hatred.
Knowing this much about lust,
let’s ask a question: How is it possible to have intercourse without
making it into an act of lust?
How is it possible? Well, let’s
find out.
The
Possibility of Protection Against Lust
When a man and a woman engage
in intercourse within Holy Matrimony and with an openness to
procreation,[2]
it is possible for them to engage in a supreme surrender of the physical
to the spiritual and to a supreme yearning for the holy. This awareness of
the possibility of procreation, along with a profound spiritual
surrender, keeps God as the focus of their ecstasy,
and it banishes lust from the experience.
Furthermore, because sexual
intercourse can help to strengthen the emotional bond between a husband and
a wife, it is possible that the desire for marital bonding can provide
a protection against lust.
But notice that
possibility is one thing and actuality is another
thing.
For example, Christ told us to
love God with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind (see
Matthew 22:34–40). Many Christians know this intellectually, but how
many of those who call themselves Christian actually
do this? Or how many of those who call themselves
Christian actually pray with their whole heart
and their whole soul? More often than not, prayer becomes a form of
duty rather than love from the heart. Therefore,
more often than not, sexuality in marriage becomes a form of lust, rather
than an expression of bonding—especially when the man
demands it as an act of marital
“service.”
So, in seeking an answer to the
question, “How is it possible, after childbearing years, to have
intercourse without making it into an act of lust?” ask yourself yet
another question: Is my deepest desire the
purification of my whole heart and whole soul, or do I seek merely the
satisfaction of bodily pleasures?
Love and
Purification
The opposite of hatred (and lust)
is love, yet before we can enter into the pure love within the Kingdom of
Heaven we must be purified of all that is not genuine
love.[3]
Therefore, endeavor to make your mortal life a life of spiritual refinement,
directed to doing everything you can to grow in love and to avoiding
anything that contradicts love. This is important because after you die
you will have to pay for everything you have ever done that has contradicted
love.
No
Excuses
At the moment of your death,
you will find yourself standing before Christ in the light of divine truth.
Every act of your life will be accounted for. Truth will be absolute. There
can be no excuses, no deception.
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Esau sold his
birthright for a serving of stew (Genesis 25: 29–34), and many Christians
today are just as willing to sell their birthright—their
baptismal birthright—for an
orgasm. |
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So when you stand in the light
of that divine truth, will your baptismal promises be a shield for you or
will they be hanging from you uselessly in tatters?
In this regard, keep in mind
that right now your soul is your
responsibility. You will be held accountable
to the answers to those questions you asked yourself above.
If your husband is not Catholic,
you, as a Catholic, still have the obligation to live a holy life and
witness the Catholic faith, no matter what the
cost. You have the obligation to not let your husband tempt you into sin,
because, if you do, you will have to answer to Christ Himself, and there
will be no excuses.
The cost you pay now to protect
yourself from lust will be hardly anything compared to the cost you will
have to pay later.
Notes
1. St. Thomas Aquinas. Summa Theologica.
I-II, 26, 4.
2. Please note the word “openness” in
the phrase openness to procreation. This is not to say that every
sexual act must produce a child. It means that the fundamental meaning
of sexuality is in its procreative function—rather than as something
done for fun or sport or entertainment or to soothe feelings of loneliness.
To cast away the fundamental meaning of sexuality (as in masturbation, oral
sex, anal sex, artificial birth control, etc.) is to fall into sin. The
Catechism of the Catholic Church expresses it this way: “. .
. every action which . . . proposes, whether as an end or as a
means, to render procreation impossible is intrinsically
evil ”
(CCC 2370).
3.
Keep in mind this analogy: fire does not burn itself—only that which
is not fire is burned by fire. Thus, in the spiritual realm, God’s
love burns and torments whatever is not love. The fire of Purgatory
is God’s love purifying and burning out of repentant souls every worldly
attachment that is not love, until they become pure love. And the
fire of Hell is God’s love that burns and
torments unrepentant souls who are “not love” because in this life
they have chosen lifestyles defiant of love, thereby refusing the opportunity
to become love.
What the
Catechism of the Catholic Church says:
2351 Lust
is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual
pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its
procreative and unitive purposes.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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