Psychological Healing
in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition

Questions and Answers

I’m not certain I could live up to the standards of living you have mentioned. I’m wondering if you have to be born inherently good in order to live that righteously. (That feels like too strong a word, but the only one that comes to mind.)

 
ell, keep in mind that Christ chose tax collectors, zealots, and somewhat incompetent fishermen for his Apostles to prove to us that even the most wretched of sinners can become saints. 

The spiritual counsels on this website aren’t really things you have to do, they are things that any soul in love with God would desperately want to do. Why? Because self-denial helps to lift the psychological defenses that prevent God’s graces from sinking into us; with those defenses stripped away, the living waters of salvation can finally reach our thirsty souls. So it’s simple: the more you deny your desire for self-satisfaction and complacency, the more your soul grows in holiness.^[1]

Sadly, many persons have been so wounded as children by family dysfunction that they have come to believe they are garbage and deserve nothing but condemnation; however much they might intellectually want growth and healing, deep in their hearts they fear any change and resist it. Moreover, behind this resistance to change is, in their hearts, a secret resentment at their parents for having treated them with a lack of real love, and this resentment works unconsciously to obstruct any spiritual growth. 

Remember, anyone can do anything for the love of God; the question is not whether you can do it, but whether you want to do it. When you’re angry at God, you won’t want to do anything. And why would you be angry at God? Well, you’re angry at your parents for being hypocrites, and you’re angry at God because He didn’t stop your parents from being hypocrites.[2] So, when you hold secret grudges against your parents, you will unconsciously believe that any spiritual growth you make is a capitulation to your parents—and to God. Essentially, your lack of progress and your continued dysfunction is your secret revenge at them all.

Still, in spite of this unconscious fear and resentment, a small spark of hope and love can always be found in every soul. So if you think that you can’t follow all the counsels yet, then do whatever you can now, according to your present capacity for love. Any attempts you make will allow some healing water to nourish your soul. 

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle taught that if you want to acquire a certain quality, then begin by acting like others who have that quality, and eventually you will develop that quality.[3] In the same way, if you want to climb out of your mental and spiritual stagnation and live a holy life, then start by doing the things that constitute a holy life. All that holds you back is your unconscious pride and spiritual blindness: your continued satisfaction of defending your own self-interests at the expense of others. In this pathetic state, you won’t even know what faith is. But you don’t have to wait until you feel faith before you can follow the spiritual counsels. Just do them anyway; sow their seeds within your soul and soon you will be surprised to see some awesome new growth filling in the bare spots left by your pride. As the growth continues and strengthens, pride itself will wither and be overgrown by holiness.

For example, if you can’t keep all of the Liturgy of the Hours, then say just the Evening Prayer when you get home from work, instead of having a martini to calm your nerves. If you can’t throw away your TV, then cut away one hour of viewing each day and pray the Rosary during that time. If you can’t eat simple vegetarian foods for every meal, then at least avoid meat on Wednesdays and Fridays. If you can’t do without make-up, then do without it at least on Sundays. And so on. Just do what you can; as your ability to love begins to grow, your ability to do things for the sake of love will also grow.

 
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1. “And here it ought to be pointed out why so few reach this high state of perfect union with God. It should be known that the reason is not that God wishes only a few of these spirits to be so elevated; he would rather want all to be perfect, but he finds few vessels that will endure so lofty and sublime a work. . . . There are many who desire to advance and persistently beseech God to bring them to this state of perfection. Yet when God wills to conduct them through the initial trials and mortifications, as is necessary, they are unwilling to suffer them and they shun them, flee from the narrow road of life [Mt. 7:14] and seek the broad road of their own consolation, which is that of their own perdition [Mt. 7:13]; thus they do not allow God to begin to grant their petition. They are like useless containers, for although they desire to reach the state of the perfect they do not want to be guided by the path of trials that leads to it. They hardly even begin to walk along this road by submitting to what is least, that is, to ordinary sufferings” (Saint John of the Cross: The Living Flame of Love, Stanza 2.27).

2. Hearing it said that God will give us what we ask for, children tend to believe that, if they pray for it, God will control the behavior of other persons. Because they do not understand that a literal answer to their prayers would be a violation of the free will of others, the children get angry at God when He doesn’t make others change their behavior.

3. Nicomachean Ethics, II:1.

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