Psychological Healing
in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition

Questions and Answers

I was sexually abused by my father and raped by my uncles. Now I’m a Lesbian, and I know that God loves me.

 
Of course God loves you. And he also loves fathers who abuse their children. And he loves rapists. And, if you read the Gospels, you will find not only that he loves tax collectors and prostitutes as well, but also that he has a special concern for the sick, the wounded, the poor, and all other “outcasts” from society. God loves all individuals.

God’s love for us, however, is not an “anything goes, I’m OK, you’re OK” kind of sentimental acceptance. To say that God loves us means that God calls us away from our sins into a life of holiness. As Saint Thomas Aquinas explained, to love is “to will the good of another” (St. Thomas Aquinas, STh I-II, 26, 4, corp. art.). Therefore, God, in his love for us, calls us to a life of holiness, looking to our good and our salvation, knowing full well that left to our own blindness and slavery to sin we will end up in hell.

Rape and incest are despicable crimes and grave sins. Yet in choosing to live a life-style defiant of chastity you “act out” the emotional pain of your abuse. That is, instead of seeking to heal the emotional wounds of the abuse through forgiveness and trust in God, you use your bodily sexuality to express the confusion and bitterness you feel about the failure of your mother and father to protect you from abuse.

In healthy psychosexual development, the daughter’s bond of dependent neediness on the mother must be broken through her affection for her father. By “coming between” the daugher and the mother, the father ensures that the girl will eventually be able to give of herself to her own husband and children in holy service to God. But the master-slave dialectic by which one woman offers herself in total submission to another woman represents an angry rejection of the father’s proper symbolic protection of the family.
 
Moreover, the mannish affectations of the “master” in an unchaste relationship represent an identification with masculine brutality—which, in psychological language, is called
identification with the aggressor.
 
The master-slave dialectic also makes a mockery of true motherly love by reducing the mother’s love to caricatured extremes: the “mother’s” complete domination of the “child,” and the “child’s” complete submission to the “mother.”

So, in his true love for you, God constantly calls you away from the unconscious anger at your parents that will lead you into spiritual self-destruction, and he calls you into the way of holiness. Just as Christ himself forgave those who persecuted him, you, too, can forgive those who hurt you, taking up your cross and following Christ in chastity and obedience—rather than make a mockery of divine love and protection.

 


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