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[My
abusive mother left her house] to me when she died and it’s legally
mine, but it will, in reality, always be my mother’s house. My neighbors,
sweet as they may be, constantly remind me how I’m not doing things
like my mother did and maybe I’m doing that on purpose. I don’t
know. It’s not the house I grew up in, however, so there are no childhood
or even unpleasant memories associated with this house, other than she died
here. . . . She was an immaculate housekeeper and I’m not. When I’m
at home, I’m either reading or writing, and keeping house and washing
dishes just isn’t on my radar screen until it’s absolutely necessary.
Maybe that’s a revenge factor on my part that I wasn’t aware of.
I just figured it was because reading is a more important activity, for me,
anyway. Do you have any comments about this?
 he issue about neatness and cleanliness
is really a profound issue of love. When you care
about a possession, you consequently want to keep it in good
condition.
It’s the same for creation
itself. When we really, really understand that God created this world, we
are moved to take good care of it. Environmental abuse—even the act
of spitting on the ground or throwing a cigarette butt on the
sidewalk—shows us up as hypocrites if we claim to love God.
And it’s the same for the
body. Anyone who really understands how the body is the
temple of the Holy Spirit would want to keep the
body well-groomed, modestly atired, free from
addictions, and properly nourished and
physically fit.
Think of chaos and filth, therefore,
as aspects of the demonic, whereas cleanliness and order are aspects of the
holy. If you respect your environment as an aspect of a holy life, you will
be pained to see dirt and disorder anywhere.
Although your mother was a meticulous
housekeeper, she certainly wasn’t holy, or she wouldn’t have abused
you. You know she was a hypocrite, and that angers you. You want to throw
her cleanliness back in her face so that you can get the satisfaction of
showing her what a fraud she was. Therefore, your allowing dirt to accumulate
in your (her) house is the expression of
anger. The
dirt symbolizes your hatred for her.
But allowing this disorder is
like unconsciously punishing God because of the hurt your mother caused you.
Nothing will ever be resolved this way. Revenge does not heal anything—it
only adds to the dirt. Revenge is just another stroke of the whip on
Christ’s back, more spittle on His face, another kick in His stomach.
Allow yourself, therefore, to see the dirt—the dirt of your hatred—and
then, through prayer, fasting, and forgiveness,
clean up the mess.
  
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Huh? Donations? Freewill
website?