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In Catholic
marriage which emphasizes procreation, what about an older couple creating
a holy union in marriage that includes a life of love in serving God together
in the Church but where sexual pleasure is still an obvious
consideration?
 ou ask a question that the
Catechism of the Catholic Church does not address
specifically. The
Catechism does say, in general, that fecundity “is a gift, an
end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful”
(§2366), and that “the fundamental task
of marriage and family is to be at the service of life”
(§1653). Note that this service is not just
about procreation; it also involves educating
children (§2367), so that through an
intelligent and realistic perception of the world children may grow to love
and serve the will of God.
So it would make sense that,
if a parent with young children were left widowed, a husband or wife to replace
the deceased spouse could serve to provide a generous and warm family context
in which to continue to educate the
children.
The
sexual aspect of Holy Matrimony, however, does refer
specifically to procreation. Note clearly, though, that the Catechism
says only that all sexuality must be open to the transmission of life
(§2366), not that it must result in
procreation. This is why birth control which blocks fertility in some way
(as opposed to simply abstaining from intercourse), and acts directed solely
to erotic pleasure (such as masturbation,
anal
penetration,[1]
and same-sex stimulation) are considered to be grave sins; all of these things
are closed, not open, to life transmission. By making
narcissistic pleasure their ultimate delight, these
things lead you away from a holy, spiritual path into a useless dead end,
precluding any service to God.
So, in the end, the answer to
your question can come from answering another question. How exactly would
Holy Matrimony in such a context serve God? If the only purpose of matrimony
were to provide personal pleasure, then the sacrament wouldn’t result
in any service to God, would it? We are told, as Christians, to seek the
spirit, not the flesh. Now, you are free to do
what you want to do, and you can make up your own religion if you want.
But if you want to live a genuine Christian life, then at least do what we
have been instructed.
What, then, should such a couple
do? Well, consider that staying single under those conditions and pursuing
an individual or communal life of prayer and service to others in the greater
family of the Church might serve God far more than a “marriage”
of convenience.
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To be able to
endure feeling rejection and loneliness, to continue on in humility, and
not to think that you deserve far better is a real blessing, especially if
you can feel this way for the honor of God, and if you do so
willingly. |
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—Thomas à Kempis
The Imitation of Christ,
Bk 2, Ch 9: “Of Emptiness”
(Trans. by William Creasy) |
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Notes
1. Acts or fantasies
of bondage, rape, and anal penetration pull us away from spiritual responsibility
into a realm of anger and self-loathing, reflecting—or even compulsively
re-enacting—those times when we weren’t unconditionally
accepted as infants or children. The erotic element of such fantasies is
directed toward the feeling of defiling the other, or being defiled yourself,
and it derives from the anger of having been made into an object—indeed,
a piece of garbage—as a child, in which all human dignity was surrendered
and defiled. These acts or fantasies, therefore, lead you right into the
psychological dead-end of sado-masochism, for in their deepest psychological
sense they represent a “worship” of putrefaction and death as a
psychological defense against the fear of death,
and consequently they defile any responsibility
to life itself.
What the
Catechism of the Catholic Church says:
1653 The
fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual,
and supernatural life that parents hand on to their children by education.
Parents are the principal and first educators of their children. In this
sense the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service
of life.
2366 Fecundity
is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to
be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to
the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual
giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is on the side
of life, teaches that it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain
ordered per se to the procreation of human life. This particular doctrine,
expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable
connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break,
between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are
both inherent to the marriage act.
2367 Called
to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God.
Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human
life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby
cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a
certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense
of human and Christian responsibility.
No
advertising—no sponsor—just the simple truth . . .
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The
issue of lust