Psychological Healing
in the Roman Catholic Mystic Tradition

Questions and Answers

In Catholic marriage which emphasizes procreation, what about an older couple creating a holy union in marriage that includes a life of love in serving God together in the Church but where sexual pleasure is still an obvious consideration?

 
You ask a question that the Catechism of the Catholic Church does not address specifically. The Catechism does say, in general, that fecundity “is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful” (§2366), and that “the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service of life” (§1653). Note that this service is not just about procreation; it also involves educating children2367), so that through an intelligent and realistic perception of the world children may grow to love and serve the will of God.

So it would make sense that, if a parent with young children were left widowed, a husband or wife to replace the deceased spouse could serve to provide a generous and warm family context in which to continue to educate the children. 

The sexual aspect of Holy Matrimony, however, does refer specifically to procreation. Note clearly, though, that the Catechism says only that all sexuality must be open to the transmission of life (§2366), not that it must result in procreation. This is why birth control which blocks fertility in some way (as opposed to simply abstaining from intercourse), and sexual contact of mere erotic pleasure (such as masturbation, same-sex stimulation, and anal sex [1]) are considered to be grave sins; all of these things are closed, not open, to life transmission. By making narcissistic pleasure their ultimate delight, these things lead you away from a holy, spiritual path into a useless dead end, precluding any service to God.

So, in the end, the answer to your question can come from answering another question. How exactly would Holy Matrimony in such a context serve God? If the only purpose of matrimony were to provide personal pleasure, then the sacrament wouldn’t result in any service to God, would it? What, then, should such a couple do? Well, consider that staying single under those conditions and pursuing an individual or communal life of prayer and service to others in the greater family of the Church might serve God far more than a “marriage” of convenience.

To be able to endure feeling rejection and loneliness, to continue on in humility, and not to think that you deserve far better is a real blessing, especially if you can feel this way for the honor of God, and if you do so willingly.

—Thomas à Kempis
The Imitation of Christ,
Bk 2, Ch 9: “Of Emptiness”
(Trans. by William Creasy)

 
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1. In its deepest psychoanalytic sense, anal sex represents a “worship” of putrefaction and death as a psychological defense against the fear of death, and therefore it defiles any responsibility to life itself.

 

Read about Jesus’ teachings on marriage

 

What the Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

1653 The fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual, and supernatural life that parents hand on to their children by education. Parents are the principal and first educators of their children. In this sense the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service of life.

2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is on the side of life, teaches that it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life. This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act.

2367 Called to give life, spouses share in the creative power and fatherhood of God. Married couples should regard it as their proper mission to transmit human life and to educate their children; they should realize that they are thereby cooperating with the love of God the Creator and are, in a certain sense, its interpreters. They will fulfill this duty with a sense of human and Christian responsibility.

 


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