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[Recently]
my husband started to yell at our son and I tried to stop it. It ended up
with his becoming angry yelling and accusing me. He called up his mother
and cancelled her coming over to have dinner with us and the kids because
he said there was a commotion going on at our home (I couldn’t believe
it) and proceeded to talk to her about me. I heard all this and what he was
saying. To top it, I know my mother-in-law doesn’t keep things to herself.
I know that she will talk about this with others in the family. What I was
trying to settle turned out worse. I am so beyond this. I feel it inside.
For years now I have been trying to live this Marriage vow that I took so
long ago so blindly. My instinct is not to be a part of all this. It’s
wrong and so immature and I certainly don’t want to act immaturely either.
I feel caught in this. What would Jesus do? I have been accepting this as
a suffering, offering it up to God to use to redeem since I know about this.
But I feel such a humiliation. My instinct is to become aloof to this immature
man and now if they invite us to any of his family things I wouldn’t
want go anymore. I have been aloof to my husband since this and pondering
it and praying for my direction here. My husband makes it like nothing ever
happened and life goes on. I don’t want this occurring anymore. How
can I be an instrument here of God’s unconditional love and break this
cycle?
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 our role as the wife and
mother in a Christian family has two aspects to
it.
FIRST
OF
ALL, in regard to your own behavior,
you must imitate Christ in all things. And so,
in regard to insult, you must learn to accept all insult gracefully (that
is, with God’s grace), remain calm, give a blessing in return to a curse,
and pray for the repentance of the offender.
This is how Christ acted, and this is how He commanded His disciples to act.
That’s hard, because you will experience recurring temptation to seek
revenge on others when your pride or honor is
threatened; it takes constant patience and perseverance to
entrust the pain to God and respond with charity
instead of hate.
SECOND,
you have to attend to the physical, mental, and spiritual protection of your
children. Here are four things to guide
you.
1. |
Explain.
Whenever your husband does anything inappropriate, explain to your children
(at an appropriate time) that he has acted in a way contrary to Christian
behavior. Do not be critical of him as a person; just explain to the children
why the behavior is wrong, citing Biblical examples
as illustration.
You must, however,
ensure that nothing in the family ever degenerates into child abuse or domestic
violence; if it does, then you must seek protection immediately, calling
the police if necessary. |
For more information about child
abuse and domestic violence, see my webpage called
Family Therapy on A Guide to Psychology and its
Practice.
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2. |
Reassure.
Once things have calmed down, reassure the children that you are OK and that
you are not afraid of your husband. Convey to them your faith in Christ as
your protector—and as the protector of the family.
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3. |
Apologize.
Admit to the children your role in what happened and how your attempts to
help may have gone wrong. Tell the children that you will do all you can
to prevent such a problem from reoccurring, and ask for their help and
understanding.
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4. |
Promise.
Let the children know clearly that you have no intention of leaving the family.
And ask the children to pray with you for the conversion of their father
so that the family can become a real Christian family. |
  
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