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I have
always forgiven, you have no idea for how many things. What I really need
. . . is how to love myself enough to stop the feelings that I keep stuffing
down in order to NOT hurt others. . . . It’s myself I keep hurting,
because I care so much about keeping the peace. I only (at times) try to
tell them how I feel, in the hopes that they will understand.
However,
(and I begin the paragraph with that because it really is a whole different
subject) it is very different to allow one that you don’t live with,
and especially one who has nothing to do with influencing or raising your
children, to make serious mistakes and treat them with patience and kindness
than it is to allow someone who does have those direct influences on yourself
and those you love to make mistakes that can cause harm. For example, a person
I know recently drank alcohol in his car while driving home from work. This
person has youngsters and teenage children at home and is old enough to know
better. Even as they are treated with patience and kindness, at what point
do you stop allowing such behavior? How do you explain it to a teenager?
How do you make peace with yourself for allowing it without any
consequence?
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 n psychology, the good you do for
others becomes a good you do for yourself. So, if you want “to
love myself enough to stop the feelings that
I keep stuffing down in order to NOT hurt others” just
persevere in doing what you have been doing:
recognize and admit your pain and, despite what you’re feeling, give
to others your patience, kindness, compassion, forbearance,
mercy, and
forgiveness.
You have no control over what
someone does when you are not present, but when someone does something in
your presence that you find contrary to your moral values, then
witness your faith and say, “I cannot accept
this behavior,” and get up and leave. Don’t leave in a huff, and
don’t leave with indignation; leave with gentleness and kindness. But
leave. If you stay and say nothing, in a misguided attempt to “keep
the peace,” you will give the impression that you condone the behavior,
and that hurts both of you.
When
children are involved, then be honest. Tell the children
that the behavior is wrong, let them know that you cannot change the behavior
of another person, admit that you feel frustrated, and tell the children
to pray for the offender. If the children have
been so hardened already that they won’t want to pray for anyone, then,
in your being honest, you have at least given the children reason NOT to
believe that they are crazy for seeing what almost no one else will
admit.
And how do you make peace with
yourself for having allowed misconduct
“without any consequence”? You tell the children openly and honestly
that you made a mistake. By admitting the truth to them (and you can believe
that they already know the truth anyway), you make peace with yourself because
finally you have had the courage to face the truth of your own
dishonesty.
  
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Huh? Donations? Freewill
website?